I lose colors to the people I have known and loved throughout my existence that are perfectly,

undisputedly, that color.

My brother has always been yellow. Always. As long as I can remember. 

He says yellow is a happy color, like the sun. 

And I see this in childhood photos of him – his light eyes and completely 

contagious smile. They emulate yellow, and everything joyful and carefree. 

Now he’ll be 19 soon.

But I still see yellow stardust floating around him when he smiles. 

My dad has always been blue. Blue like the water he’s set sail on so many times, 

leaving his love behind with us. 

And blue like the endless sky. He’s always there, no matter what.

He is full of laughter and fun, and his hearing to make others smile

is infinite. 

My mom has always been purple, full of love with deep, deep roots. 

Purple, to me, is unchanging. It is safe, secure, and abundant 

like a lavender field stretching to the horizon,

growing with strength and beauty to be shared with others.         

These three colors have always been occupied in my life

as long as I can remember. 

But green…green has gotten trickier over the years, because now 

I find myself with a lot of green in my life.

First and foremost, my grandma has been green as far back as I can remember,

when I was so small that her jewelry draped off my arms. 

As I have been met with more of this color, 

she has become a sort of lighter shade of green –

a mix between the translucent center of a lime and it’s tough, brittle zest. 

She is a surprise. 

Her words and actions are always slightly unpredictable in the best way, 

just like the sweetness of a lime. 

No matter what the outcome is, I know she will always be exactly what I need.   

And then about five years ago, more green was introduced to me in the form of a best friend.

She is a stable, unchanging, deep, deep green. Like moss or basil. I find comfort in her soft

interior she often keeps hidden under rough edges. 

She carries empathy and compassion with her in every step. 

I could drown in all the colors I have come to love,

perfectly splattered on the canvas of my heart.

So, maybe I haven’t lost these colors after all. Because I started with an empty pallet

And I am allowing the people I love and trust to fill it in. 

I am anxious to meet the rest of my colors, but right now

Yellow, blue, purple, and an expanding collection of greens

are pretty perfect.